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[alongfallfromgrace]

There is a rocky ledge overlooking the river in Cloud Recesses. Wei Ying was last here in a previous lifetime, before war barged into his life. He was last here with his brother and his friend, enjoying the sunshine, enjoying freedom from the library, secure in his victorious teasing of one Lan Zhan.

Wei Ying is there again, in a different body, in a world that is so different from that one of so many years ago. And now he his here alone, with only his mask and a bamboo flute for company. The sun is still shining, but it is cold, the winter lingering here in Cloud Recesses the way it doesn't in Lotus Pier.

When he first came back, he figured he'd have a bit of an adventure figuring out who this kid hated so much to sacrifice his own life over it. Somehow instead he's found a mess involving the evidently not-straight-forward death of Nie Mingue, the unfortunately long life of Xue Yang, and the death of Xiao Xingchen.

Honestly, Wei Ying barely knew Xiao Xingchen. He'd seen the man fight once, with an elegance he could never hope to match. He of course heard the man's reputation - who hadn't? But Xiao Xingchen was also that most elusive thing for him - a link back to his family. He always thought that sometime, somehow, he'd have a chance to meet with his marital uncle again - to talk about where he and Wei Ying's mother had come from and their mysterious leader, to see if Xiao Xingchen had any memories of Wei Ying's mother, to flesh out the very few he had left. He had thought, after meeting Jiang Cheng again, and the disaster that was, that at least there was that one place to turn for family in this world.

He doesn't regret leaving Xue Yang's death in Song Lan's hands. But he does wish he could have gotten in a little stabbing himself. It would have immensely assuaged his feelings.

Or so he thinks, anyway, as he watches the water tumble by and tries to make sense of his equally tumultuous feelings.

Comments

[alongfallfromgrace]

"Xiao Xingchen. He was my mother's marital brother, after all. The Yiling Patriarch might not be known for being filial, but there's an exception to anything, right?" He asks, his voice wry. "I didn't know him well, but..." He shrugs, uncomfortably fiddling with his flute. "He was the closest thing to family left, besides Jiang Cheng and Jin Ling."



"And he did not deserve the death he had. It was... horrible."

[thesecondjade]

With a nod, Lan Zhan gives his little hum of approval, eyes falling to gaze at the strings themselves. If only Xiao Xingchen's soul wasn't a fractured mess. If only he could be reached by inquiry, a message given -- love, respect, filial piety.

Lan Zhan knows what it is like not to be able to reach those who you love, those you would have wanted more time with.

"I'm sure he will oblige you," he says instead.

[alongfallfromgrace]

"I'm sure Xiao Xingchen wouldn't mind spending time with the Wens - I think he would have liked them." He seemed to like spirited little Qing, yet another person who didn't deserve the death they received.

[thesecondjade]

"The Wens were likeable people," Lan Zhan says, even if he hears Lan Xichen's words in his mind, demanding to know why he hasn't told him about Lan Sizhui. There were a thousand of them, but all of them seemed hollow and fragile, ready to crack and scatter beneath so much as a harsh gaze.

[alongfallfromgrace]

"They were." He sighs. There have been many reminders of everything he's lost on their jaunt. He's been avoiding looking at the tally, but the pile of them looms over his mood.

"It is really very good that you've decided to help me, Lan Zhan - it turns out I don't have anywhere else to go in the world." He knew, when he came back, that he would most likely be unpopular. He didn't know the few resources he might have had were already gone.

[thesecondjade]

"I will never abandon Wei Ying," Lan Zhan says with abrupt seriousness and intent. "I will be there, when my zhiji needs me."

Because to do otherwise is to repeat the mistakes long past. He will not do that again. He cannot fail a second time.

[alongfallfromgrace]

"Aaaah-ah, yes, yes, of course." Wei Ying deflects. Perhaps it is inexperience that makes him uncomfortable with such bold statements of support - it's not his place to be the one supported - he is the one who (poorly) supports.

He never said he was good at the position. Just that it's where he's supposed to be, what makes sense.

[thesecondjade]

Lan Zhan watches him steadily, before he relaxes a moment later.

There will be time enough to tell him. He will live.

"Full ceremony can be done," he says. "Abe no Seimei and Zenigata-qianbei did the honors."

[alongfallfromgrace]

"That is good. He deserves that much." Wei Ying notes, idly twirling his flute, his posture tired. He wishes he could have done more. He hadn't lied when he said there was no way to piece together a consciousness so shattered as Xiao Xingchen's. After seeing the man's death, he's not surprised at its state - if it had been him and Lan Zhan in their place...

He shudders, his gaze distant. It's all too horrible. Is it possible to kill Xue Yang a second time?

[thesecondjade]

Lan Zhan already lived that.

Inquiry came from his fingers, night after night, until he could play it in his sleep. No answer ever came. As far as he was concerned, Wei Ying's soul might've been rent asunder by the resentful energies he'd tried to master. There was no comfort coming to him. No knowledge that Wei Ying's soul had found rest or safety among the spirits.

Lan Zhan had to persevere and endure with that knowledge weighing on his heart. But he has things to show for it. Lan Zhan now has a strong, upright Lan son. He has learned to live with the tug and pull of old scars and the ache of his muscles when it is too cold. He will continue onward, like this, until he either attains immortality or surrenders to mortality.

He does not hold out hope that Wei Ying will stay. Nobody stays for Lan Zhan; he's a permissive father because he knows his son will someday not look back when he leaves. He watches the students grow under his care, and strike out on their own.

Nothing is permanent. Especially not relationships. Especially not love that stays.

"Mn," is all he says.

[alongfallfromgrace]

Wei Ying shakes himself, not unlike the dogs he fears, trying to shake off the dark cloud his mood has been under. He should be thankful - they have discovered much about the tangled web of curses and resentful energy that has surrounded his return to life, evil was defeated (if entirely too late for his tastes), he got to spend time with some perfectly wonderful juniors, he was able to apologize to his shijie's son for his truly horrible comments...

And.

Well.

At least he knows now for sure that Yunmeng Jiang is closed to him. Surely it would have been worse to wonder. All in all, it was a very successful venture, but here he is, discussing sad things with Lan Zhan, who has put his life on hold to help him. What sort of reward for kindness is that?

Sighing, he flops back on the sun-warmed stone.

"Aiya aiya, you didn't come all the way out here to talk of such things. Did you see how well your little juniors did? They are a credit to your teaching! Very clever and perceptive."

[thesecondjade]

If one wanted to be accurate, one would know that Lan Zhan came out here to avoid people. Which, of course, puts a beacon on him that attracts both his brother and his beloved zhiji.

"They talented. They will be strong cultivators," Lan Zhan agreed, humbly brushing aside too much praise. He is proud of them, but he doesn't see himself as instrumental to their success. "Less to my credit than to theirs. I show the way, they walk the path."

[alongfallfromgrace]

"Eeeh, as your uncle was fond of reminding me once upon a time, the actions of the student reflect upon the teacher. Though however did Lan Clan manage to produce someone like Lan Jingyi? He should have been a Jiang!" He asks, fond of the spirited, opinionated kid. "He was especially sure to make sure I appreciated your finer points."

[thesecondjade]

"Lan Jingyi-- is special," Lan Zhan says, quiet but humming with an odd pride. Yes, he should have been a Jiang. Yes, he is loud and opinionated. Lan Zhan likes him that way. "He speaks up, says his mind. This can be an admirable trait."

[alongfallfromgrace]

Wei Ying is a brilliant man. He's always been clever and quick, able to make accurate logical leaps with ease.

Though sometimes those leaps go a bit wrong.

He knows Lan Zhan has a son somewhere amongst the junior group, and he knows Lan Zhan has been in widower's white since he first saw him again in this life. While it hurts, he long ago came to the realization that he would never be worthy of his zhiji's love, not like that. So there must have been someone else. Probably an arranged marriage, given Lan Zhan's preferences, but that's not so unusual given how depleted most of the clans were after the war, and Lan Zhan's position in the clan.

And there's this pride. The boy is special to Lan Zhan.

Can anyone blame him for assuming that Lan Jingyi is Lan Zhan's son?

"Aaaaah, yes yes, a very fine, upright young man, a credit to his parents."

[thesecondjade]

"They are very pleased with his progress," he admits, tilting his head a little. He means Lan Jingyi's parents, of course. Talking about the kids is relatively safe, so Lan Zhan will offer up more information about them. "Lan Sizhui helps curb his worse habits. This aids for their class, so that other voices can be heard."

Lan Jingyi has an opinion on everything, which is not always great.

[alongfallfromgrace]

... Are?

Wei Ying puzzles over that one for a moment, but has to acknowledge that he really has no right to expect Lan Zhan would tell him anything about himself. After all, he's been nothing but trouble, and is an acknowledged bad influence to boot - who would invite someone like that into one's family life? So thus the vague dodge. It would be asking too much, to poke at it more. Is that how he would repay Lan Zhan for so much aid?

He can admit to himself that it hurts, a little. But it's an old hurt, now spanning lifetimes.

It's fine.

"Lan Sizhui is a very sweet boy, very empathetic to those around him. Though quite rude about my cooking." None of the other juniors said anything about the congee until that boy made a comment, after all.

[thesecondjade]

Here, Lan Zhan goes still, hands folded into his lap, his guqin long since banished to his sleeve. Suddenly, he is very attentive -- even more so than normal. Instead, he's more intense, a chord plucked tight between them and making the air hum.

There was pride, and then: there is pride.

"Lan Sizhui understood suffering at a young age and it has made him kind. Many of the young Lan look to him," he said, carefully laying out the words. He can't tell him too much, he has to be circumspect. But he wants to shout he is so much like you Wei Ying! with such intensity that holding it back makes his lungs feel too tight, like he can't get enough to fill them. "Perhaps you can forgive him his honest assessment of your congee."

[alongfallfromgrace]

Wei Ying holds up his hands in surrender.

"Alright, alright, I know! The poor things haven't had anything with actual flavor before, it was maybe a little warm for their tastes. But I really didn't make it that spicy, honest!" He protests, taking Lan Zhan's expression as defense of some innocent baby Lans who, in retrospect, probably didn't appreciate a nice properly-spiced congee.

"Besides, it worked, didn't it? Not one lost to corpse poisoning, I'd like to point out!"

[thesecondjade]

"Mn," Lan Zhan says, only semi-mollified. "Unsure of congee's part in survival. Still, desired result was attained."

Which is good, because he would tear down the pillars of heaven if this murdering mess had harmed his children. Nothing would have stopped him. But for now, they seek the killer and master of Xue Yang with les rage but the same intent.

[alongfallfromgrace]

"Bah, glutinous rice congee is a well-known folk remedy for corpse poisoning. It is good for them to learn techniques that don't require a lot of spiritual power." Wei Ying protests, ignoring the fact that the last time he sat here, he would have been shocked to hear himself say such things. He'd been just as happy to make splashy shows of his spiritual power, so sure of its supply.

[thesecondjade]

Lan Zhan does not ignore it; he lifts his brows a moment, just waiting for elaboration.

Yes, please continue telling him about your conservative cultivator, Wei Ying. This will be very educational for all involved.

[alongfallfromgrace]

"What? It is true!" Wei Ying retorts, reaching over to prod at Lan Zhan's knee. "Not everyone in this world will be as strong as Hanguang-Jun. This poor fellow, for example."

He waves a hand at himself, at the body he's somehow come to have control over.

"Just think if someone had told Mo Xuanyu that there were ways to move through the world without needing to live up to the Jin's ideas of a strong cultivator? That he could have done some good? He could be off having adventures right now, without his foul family."

Never mind it was Mo Xuanyu's despair that brought Wei Ying back into the world.

[thesecondjade]

Wei Ying is here, and for that Lan Zhan is grateful.

Mo Xuanyu is gone, sundering his soul in his grief. For that, Lan Zhan is saddened. Not so saddened, however, that it overshadows his joy in Wei Ying's presence.

Forgive me for loving him more than I can muster sorrow over your pain, Mo Xuanyu.

"Perhaps. But we must see to the things he could not," Lan Zhan says, instead of dwelling. "The conference is still our best bet. For now, resting and planning should be our focus."

[alongfallfromgrace]

"Does anyone have a map of Koi Tower? I doubt Jin Guangyao will be so kind as to leave a copy of his clan's nefarious plans just lying about the common areas of the conference." Wei Ying points out wryly, back to twirling his flute as he thinks. "I'll have to think of some way to explore without catching attention - Mo Xuanyu was a Jin for a while, maybe that can be of help."

[thesecondjade]

"Mn," Lan Zhan says, thinking on the Koi Tower for a moment. There was one that surely knew his way around, especially into places that Jin Guangyao would feel safe with him seeing... and places he probably shouldn't be going at atll. But he'll have to carefully dance around that subject with his brother later.

"I will look for solutions," he finally says.

[alongfallfromgrace]

"Good - I'll see if I can make up some talismans - maybe something for invisibility? It would have to be related to ones for wind control, I think, or... light? Hmm." Absent-mindedly he scratches his nose as he contemplates this new project.

[thesecondjade]

For a moment, there's just stillness and quiet as Lan Zhan admires Wei Ying's clever mind at work. He's so sharp, so quick witted, already chasing a solution. He's been back only for weeks and they already fell back into a good pattern of partnership.

It makes him ache. Even if Wei Ying could not reflect his feelings, could not return them at all, he would have been happy to have moments like this, even if he had to wade through hip-deep with Wei children to get them and bow to some wife or another. The time that was taken from them -- it just isn't fair.

But, he reminds himself: it brought him Lan Sizhui, and he loves his son very much. He is so proud of the man he's grown into.

He just hopes Wei Ying will be, too.

[alongfallfromgrace]

Wei Ying, oblivious to the idea that he has anything to look forward to after all of this except one less wound on his body and an abrupt end to his new-life-task-list, finally realizes that theorizing is well and good but it's testing that'll get him into the secrets of the Lanling Jin.

"Eeeh, no use speculating when I could be trying, right Lan Zhan?" Wei Ying huffs a laugh at himself as he rolls up onto his feet. "I'm going to head back, try out some of these ideas, okay? I promise, nothing that explodes, your house is safe." He swears, with a three-fingered salute. "Maybe I'll be able to figure out something that works."

[thesecondjade]

Watching him rise in silence, Lan Zhan considers asking for more. More time, more regard, more -- just more. But beyond the question sealed up behind his tongue and teeth, beyond the tension of his fingers on the strings of his guqin, it is an invisible desire that hangs over him. He does not give it a voice or a moment on his face.

"Mn," he replies, watching Wei Ying with his usual intensity. "Report back, we can strategize further."